27. The Family Meeting - changing perspective

The structure of the Family Meeting in my home is anything but structured.

You can call it whatever you want to call it.

Make it your own.

But you need a Family Meeting.

There is little in daily routine that truly has a firm structure. If there is a routine it has been carved out, like a river, through a long process of necessity for change and flow. I'm not much of a planner, but one thing that I have carried intentionally from my parents' house, was the Family Meeting.

I've read several parenting books that say, "Mark your calendars!" "Pass the talking stick!" "Everyone is allowed to say two things that they have prepared for the meeting,"

EW!

That's a huge turn off for me. It sounds like a meeting at the town hall. Let's leave the politics out of our relationships for now.

My family simply would not respond well to that. So, my advice to you is, know your people. Maybe yours would totally love that. But for us, a once-a-month scheduled and planned conference is not going to cut it.

We have a Family Meeting every night.

I would be hard pressed to miss it - mostly because it involves food.

Spoiler Alert: It's the Family Dinner

A lot of times, nothing miraculous happens, but the time spent is invaluable.

I grew up eating dinner together with my family of four: Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister. Each seated in the same four seats every day of my young life. The meal was revolving and the relationships were evolving. Most important, the family was re-stabilized at the end of each day.

These days our family dinners look a little different. Some days I feel like I'm playing musical chairs when looking for a clean seat at the table. But the monotony remains.

Family Dinner is every night.

It's not about the food. It's about uninterrupted relationships. We use the time together to be present without phones nearby or the TV playing in the background. It's just six people hanging out. We create inside jokes, share memories, and laugh together some nights. Other nights we might have serious issues to discuss or maybe even just eat in silence because we've had a long day.

Sitting around the dinner table should create a natural feeling of community and cooperation. Everyone sits at eye-level and shares the same meal. We are intentional not to force our kids to eat their food. If they are hungry, they eat. The goal is not to establish dominance. They're allowed to not like things but there is also no second dinner or snacking once we're finished. Like I said, it's not about the food. Removing the power struggle at the dinner table gives us the opportunity to simply enjoy each other's company.

We respect their autonomy and hold them accountable for their actions in every other aspect of life. It seems reasonable to stay consistent at the table as well.

Dinner is a simple routine with a colossal impact on the family bond.

Take the pressure off yourself and don't plan a thing. Make the simplest meal you can think of and serve it at the table. It helps if you have really cute serving dishes. The more you like something, the more value it has.

I put a lot of value in beauty. I have an eclectic pile of dishes that spoke to me from the shelves of many thrift stores over the years. A curated home is a home that you can find peace in. It's a home you can find yourself in. A place full of only your most favorite things and people that you're glad to be a part of.

Changing our mindset changes our world. The way we feel about the things around us influences our thinking as much as the way our thinking influences our feelings.

Let's unpack that. You see your dishes in the sink and you think, "I don't want to cook dinner because they're a mess." This will negatively influence your likelihood of cooking dinner. Similarly, when you look at your kids as a "job" it affects the way you feel about them when they walk in the room. Imagine the way your body feels when your best friend walks in the room but it was applied to your kid.

That's what building a strong family bond feels like.

The best part is that you can choose to view the pile of dishes with gratitude over a good meal shared, or you can view them as a job. The same way you can choose to view your kids as friends or you can choose to view them as a chore.

They say that friends are family that you get to choose. Why not choose your kin?